Costa Christmas 2013. (Picture heavy)

I'm a complete and utter Costa fiend and always become excited when their Christmas menus are released. I adore their frosted mint hot chocolate and was extremely sad to find out that it wouldn't be returning this year.

On a happier note, their Christmas takeaway cups this year are completely and utterly adorable.

The full list of their Christmas offerings (taken directly from their website)

Seasonal Drinks:

Black Forest Hot Chocolate
Chocolate & Orange Mocha Latte
Gingerbread & Cream Latte
Hot Spiced Apple
Salted Caramel Latte
White Hot Chocolate

Festive Food:
Brie, Bacon and Cranberry Sourdough Panini
Pulled Pork Wrap
Turkey, Stuffing and Bacon
Soignon Goats Cheese & Christmas Chutney Panini

Christmas Treats:
Black Forest Fancy
Chocolate & Orange Fancy
Chocolate Yule Log
Gingerbread Muffin
Gluten Free Christmas Cake
Honeycomb Crunch
Marshmallow & Chocolate Cupcafke
Mini Chocolate Cornflake Clusters
Mince Tart
Rich Chocolate & Rasberry Torte
Ruby The Reindeer
Stollen Bites

So far, I've tried several of their Christmas offerings and here's my verdict on each of them.

White Hot Chocolate & Cream

With caramel sauce instead of cherry sauce.

I've never heard of any coffee shops selling white hot chocolate so my curiosity piped up instantly. I had to try it.

I made the mistake of ordering a large and found that it gets sickly after a while so I recommend ordering a medium. I prefer it without the cherry sauce but then again, I hate anything cherry. I've also had it with caramel sauce instead of cherry which I loved.

2/5 with the cherry sauce. 4/5 without & with the caramel sauce.

Honeycomb Hot Chocolate & Cream 

I adore this! The balance is just right. Not too much honeycomb but not too little either. You can taste it but it's not overpowering. One of my friends tried a bit of it on Thursday and he said it was really sweet so if you're not a fan of sweet drinks, I'd stay away from this one. 5/5

Chocolate & Orange Mocha Latte



 I hate coffee but curiosity got the better of me. I couldn't taste much chocolate & orange but I still liked it. I don't think I'd get it again, though. 3/5

Hot Spiced Apple

This tastes like strong hot apple juice with a kick of cinnamon. I can find cinnamon to be overpowering but not with this. I really liked it but found it quite hard to get through. It took me nearly an hour to finish it.

I'm in no hurry to get another one but I'll probably get at least one more before they go. 4/5

Honeycomb Crunch

I was so excited about trying this but to say that it disappointed me is a huge understatement. It was vile. It was so disgusting I threw it away after a few bites. 0/5

I didn't think about photographing it individually and I won't buy another one for the purpose of photographing it.

Chocolate Yule Log

A bit too sickly for my liking unfortunately. I love chocolate but this was just too much for me. 2/5

Chocolate & Orange Fancy

 I LOVE THIS. I adore anything chocolate orange and it didn't disappoint.

Thankfully, the cake wasn't too dry which I find with a few of Costa's cakes. However, it depends slightly on which one you go to. If there was only one item from the Christmas menu I'd want to be permanent, this would be it. 5/5

Overall, I love their Christmas menu! Their Christmas products are available until 2nd January so if you want to try anything on the menu, head to Costa soon if there's one near you.

Week in photographs.

I apologise for not blogging over the last few weeks. I haven't felt motivated and don't want to blog for the sake of blogging. Nothing worth blogging about has happened anyway.

That said, however, I'm working on a review of sorts of all the items from the Costa Christmas 2013 menu I've tried so far so keep an eye out for it!

On Monday, I went to Costa with one of my friends and remembering a friend's suggestion from last week, I ordered a white hot chocolate with caramel sauce and edible gold stars instead of cherry sauce while waiting for him. I'll be getting it again for sure. I'm not a fan of anything cherry and the cherry sauce is no exception.

Afterwards, we went to Subway for lunch where I had my first meal there for over a year. Sadly, my knee injuries flared up and I had to go home earlier than planned because the painkillers were taking longer than usual to work. We still had a great time together, though.

My copy of Showtime, Storytime by Nightwish arrived on Tuesday. I adore it! I've been listening to it non-stop since. I watched a bit of the documentary but switched it off and don't plan to watch it any further for personal reasons.

 Floor Jansen has improved tenfold since joining Nightwish last year. I've been a fan of her for years but she was rusty with Nightwish at first. Now, however, is a completely different story. I still don't like her take on some of the songs but she's well and truly improved. I can't wait for the new album to be released!

I went to Garlic & Shots in Soho with one of my friends on Wednesday and had a great night as usual. I had a horseradish shot (pictured) which was vile. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be and I've had worse but it was vile all the same.

I saw The Hunger Games: Catching Fire yesterday and loved it. It's outstanding. I wasn't a fan of the book because while some parts of it were brilliant, it took too long for me to get in to but I had high expectations for the film and wasn't let down. I loved every second.

It's easily the best book to film adaption I've ever seen. I'm usually highly critical of book to film adaptions but I have nothing bad to say about it.

If you want to see it and haven't already, do it. I couldn't recommend it more. I'm planning on pre-ordering the DVD soon and would see it again on Tuesday because of the cheap ticket prices but can't because of family matters that need to be taken care of. I can't complain, though.

If you live near a Cineworld cinema, register at mycineworld to get 10% off your cinema tickets. It doesn't sound like a lot but cinema tickets are usually ridiculously expensive so any discount you can get helps a bit so take advantage.

 Another good way of getting cheaper tickets is to try going during off-peak times (generally Monday - Friday before 5pm). However, this will depend significantly from cinema to cinema so make sure to check.

For more information, go to this link.

I hope you've all had a good week and have a good weekend!

Back to the usual.

Last week was horrific. I was a complete mess. I barely functioned. Thankfully, I picked back up slightly on Saturday and therapy resumed today so things have gotten back to normal.

The clinical psychologist wanted to see me for five minutes about what happened last time I was there (read about it at this link if you don't already know) and asked if her or my therapist could've done anything differently but they couldn't have.

EMDR isn't an option for the time being which is understandable. I told the clinical psychologist I wanted to keep that option open along with all others and she agreed to. In fact, she was extremely happy about it.

Afterwards, I saw my therapist and we discussed it further before moving on to discussing what the past two weeks were like (last week especially). She told me that I have a certain maturity that a lot of people my age don't have because of everything I've had to go through and am still dealing with.

We also discussed me comparing myself to other people and ended up having a really interesting discussion about social networking, the media and their influences on our lives. However, because it started towards the end of our session, we're going to continue it next week.

On a different note, I received a text from one of my best friends afterwards telling me he was okay. I had texted him on Thursday asking when he was returning to England and received no reply. I started worrying so I texted him again last night and asked him to text me so I knew he was okay. It turns out that he had replied to my first text but it didn't get through.

I’m so relieved.

Weekend musings.

A former friend texted me yesterday afternoon to tell me that her now ex boyfriend left her and pulled the personal issues card.

Let me give you a highly condensed version of the back story so it makes more sense.

This former friend (I'll call her Angela to protect her identity) met her boyfriend (I'll call him Steve) last year and got with him in November.

He's taking part in a lot of shady things and didn't let her meet any of his friends. I wasn't the only one concern. Several of her friends expressed concern about this and had others but as you can probably guess, she didn't listen.

In September, I stayed with her for the night and she ended up having an hour long argument with her mother about her relationship with Steve during which I went outside to have a few cigarettes. I still heard the argument, though.

I was unable to sleep that night and ended up calling my mum at 6am and broke down crying once she answered. My dad kindly collected me a few hours later and I went to sleep almost as soon as I got home.

When I woke up, I saw a text from Angela blaming me for the argument with her mother and causing problems in her relationship. I replied telling her that unless she changed her attitude, I never wanted to hear from her again. Since then, I've received several abusive text messages from her.

I don't buy the personal issues excuse. He had his fun with her and got bored. That's what it is. However, because of how badly she treated me, I have no sympathy for her whatsoever. I can't forgive her for treating me so badly.

Yesterday evening, one of my best friends posted to my Facebook timeline saying she wants to see me before Christmas. A lot of my friends want to see me yet I still feel unwanted. Why? I don't know.

All that aside, at least there are a few good things coming up. The third (and sadly, final) series of Borgen starts airing here on Saturday, I have no therapy tomorrow which gives me a whole week off any appointments of any kind and I'm probably going to Costa this week to sample their Christmas menu. I should be pleased but I'm shattered. Completely and utterly shattered.

I'd love to not feel anything.

Katatonia, Lacuna Coil and Paradise Lost @ Roundhouse 3rd November 2013.

WARNING: This post is going to be very picture heavy, and will contain a fair amount of fangirling.

It's also mainly about Lacuna Coil.

I woke up at 8am to begin getting ready to meet a friend of mine and queue early. I left the house at 10:30am to make my way to Camden so I could get some Chinese food from one of the food markets for breakfast before meeting my friend.

I ended up running into said friend in Camden who had a bottle of Disranno & coke with her and after she got her food, we headed off to the Roundhouse and arrived at approximately 11:45am.

Not long after we arrived, Cristina, Andrea and CriZ of Lacuna Coil walked past. The few of us that were already there ran up to them and they were more than happy to stop for photos despite being on their way to  get breakfast.

The first thing Cristina commented on was my hat as she has the same one. I ended up getting four photos with her and a lot of hugs. I got slightly carried away but she didn't mind at all.

The best part? She remembered me! My adoration and respect for her grows every time I meet her.

Cristina and I.

Cristina and I.

Cristina and I.

Cristina and I.

Andrea told me that they're aiming to release their new album in March and plan to do a headlining UK tour next year. I'm already hoping for a Birmingham and/or Oxford date along with the obiligatory London one.

Andrea and I.

CriZ and I.

Maus of Lacuna Coil walked past a couple of hours later. I had been trying to get a picture with him for over three years but never could for one reason or another. That changed, though, and I got three photos with him.

Maus and I.

Maus and I.

Not too long after, another friend arrived with the alcohol he promised me. Needless to say, I ended up rather drunk.

Just before 5pm, Maki walked past and was more than happy to stop for a few minutes to pose for photos.

Something I adore about Lacuna Coil is how kind they are to their fans. They don't have to be. They could easily ignore them but they stop whenever they can to talk, sign items and/or pose for photos.

Maki and I.

At around 5:30pm, we were let inside the venue and I went to the merchandise table to get the Lacuna Coil top I wanted. I ended up wanting the hoodie as well but didn't have enough money. It'll probably be available online in a matter of weeks, though.

The top. It's far nicer in real life.

I ended up in the second row towards the right of the stage. Not the best view but it could've been a lot worse.

I found Katatonia extremely boring. They were playing the entirety of Viva Emptiness in reverse which I like but I found their set to drag and wanted it to be over.

Lacuna Coil, on the other hand, were fantastic. It was my eighth time seeing them live and they didn't disappoint. Every performance I've seen of theirs has been magical in different ways. I've never not felt an extreme high after seeing them live.

Setlist:

I Don't Believe In Tomorrow

Kill The Light

Fragments of Faith

Heaven's A Lie

The Game

Our Truth

Upsidedown

Without Fear

Swamped

Intoxicated

Trip The Darkness

Spellbound

Paradise Lost were much better than I expected them to be. I don't listen to them often so I wasn't too sure what to expect but I was pleasantly surprised. Lacuna Coil were the band of the night for me, though.

I left barely being able to walk and with an aching body for the next two days but I didn't mind. Getting home wasn't too fun, though.

I had hesitated to get a ticket given that Lacuna Coil were only playing a support set but I'm so happy I got one in the end. I met some awesome people and out of the three bands, the only one I didn't enjoy was Katatonia.

I can't wait for Lacuna Coil's new album to be released and headlining UK tour next year.

Week in photographs.

I'm still recovering from the sensory overload on Monday which has meant having to cancel all of my plans for this week so I've spent a lot of it in front of the sofa watching television. To top it all off, I might be getting a cold again.

Anyway...

I ordered my ticket for Within Temptation's London show earlier this year and it arrived on Wednesday. As soon as I received it, I knew exactly what it was. I may or may not have squealed from excitement. Roll on 12th April!

I'm planning on going to their show in Birmingham four days after the London one and hope to be able to get a ticket before they sell out. I wanted to when the tour was announced but it was the day before the London one so it would've been too difficult for me to do but thanks to the tour being rescheduled, it's now four days after.

The tickets are unlikely to sell out anytime soon but I want to be able to get one as soon as possible. I don't plan to sort out accommodation or travel for a few months so I'm not going to worry about either yet.

My mum and dad had been searching for Terrorizer magazine for me for several days. I rarely ever buy magazines these days but I had to have it as it featured Cristina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil.  It's ridiculously difficult to find. It's not a mainstream magazine so that's probably why. They finally managed to find it in our local WHSmiths on Wednesday but it was hidden away.

They also returned with Noriko soap and The Christmas Penguin bubble bar from Lush. The Christmas Penguin is supposed to smell like The Olive Branch shower gel which I hate but it doesn't it to me at all.

Noriko is lovely. If you like creamy soaps and delicate floral scents, chances are you'll love Noriko.

On Wednesday evening, I found out that December's issue of Glamour magazine comes with a free bottle of Nails Inc nail polish worth £11. You can get it in Soho Silver (metallic silver), Uptown Glamour (metallic gold), New York Apple (glossy red) or New York Noir (glossy black). Being a nail polish junkie, I couldn't pass it up.

My dad returned with not one but two copies with New York Noir and Soho Silver. I haven't tried either of them yet but I can't wait to.

I hope you've all had a good week!

Q & A with Michelle Dockery and Allen Leech at the Apple Store in Regent Street 28th October 2013.

Sorry it's taken me over a week to write this. I've been busy with other things.

While I was on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, I saw that the official Downton Abbey page posted that Michelle Dockery (Lady Mary Crawley) and Allen Leech (Tom Branson) would be doing a Q & A session at the Apple Store in Regent Street. I immediately reserved my place and found out on Monday morning that there were no places left. This made me pleased I reserved my place after I found out about it.

I arrived just over an hour before it was due to start and like the Q & A with Joanne Froggatt and Ed Speelers a couple of weeks before, all the seats were taken. Thankfully, I had a brilliant view again so I can't complain.

The atmosphere was very different to the interview with Joanne Froggat and Ed Speelers but not in a bad way in the slightest. It's hard to describe, though. Both Q & A's were brilliant in their own way so I really can't compare them any further.

The whole Q & A was hilarious. One thing that sticks out in my mind in particular is Michelle doing a Maggie Smith impression. Otherwise, I can't select a favourite moment.

I had planned to ask Allen and Michelle if they could spend the day with any character excluding their own, who would it be and why? I managed to but not before embarrassing myself by telling Michelle how beautiful she was and wanted to know how she did it. Luckily, she was really nice about it so it could've been far worse.

They were both stumped when I asked them. Allen chose Carson to see what he gets up to when he isn't being grumpy whereas Michelle chose Thomas. I can't remember why she did, though.

Unfortunately, I was exhausted so I didn't stay to meet them and I'm kicking myself for that. Oh well. There'll probably be another chance in the future.

Sensory overload.

I'm working on a post about autism but I want to write about sensory overload now as I suffered from it during therapy yesterday afternoon and want to write about it while it's still fresh in my mind.

 Therapy started off well but I was a bit out of it. I didn't think too much of it and put it down to being tired from the Katatonia, Lacuna Coil and Paradise Lost show on Sunday and carried on as normal.

Towards the end of the session, it got too difficult for me. I couldn't take in any information whatsoever (sensory input) anymore. I ran out, locked myself in the toilet and broke down crying. My therapist attempted to check up on me but I told her to go away. She got one of her colleagues to no avail. I didn't want to hear anything. Their voices were like chalk on a chalkboard. I simply couldn't handle it.

I was so exhausted I fell asleep for a couple of hours when I got home. I woke up with a slightly clearer mind and decided not to go next week. I phoned my therapist to tell her I won't be there and she completely understood. She's cancelled our appointment next week and therapy will resume the week after.

This isn't something I wish on anyone. It's absolutely terrifying when it happens.

If you want to get an idea of what it's like, read about it at this link and watch the video.

Week in photographs.

On my way to the Apple Store in Regent Street on Monday for the Downton Abbey Q & A with Michelle Dockery and Allen Leech, I had my first Costa hot chocolate of the year which obviously required a photo of me doing so. I was bored, though.

Last week, I found out that Michelle Dockery and Allen Leech were going to be at the Apple Store in Regent Street for a Downton Abbey Q & A so I reserved my place and went. I'm currently writing about it, though, so apart from the fact it was brilliant, I won't say too much about it.

I had two appointments yesterday so I rewarded myself with a red velvet cupcake and pot of Earl Grey tea from Lola's Cupcakes. I love it there but because their cakes are expensive, I don't go there too often. I might go again soon, though.

While I was there, I got a text from a friend of mine asking me if I wanted to go to Garlic & Shots with him. I hadn't been there or seen him for a while and had no plans so I said yes. However, I didn't see his text until an hour after he sent it so I had to rush home, quickly get changed and leave the house.

It was completely worth it, though. We had the Halloween three course meal set menu which consisted of pumpkin soup with bloodshot (not actual blood, don't worry!) fried bacon, vampire steak with graniated potatoes and ice cream with chocolate truffles.

The pumpkin soup was amazing. I'm really fussy when it comes to soup so this is high praise from me. Unfortunately, my friend and I didn't like the vampire steak much. It was too stringy. The graniated potatoes were lovely, though. I think the pumpkin soup may have set my expectations too high.

Thankfully, the ice cream and chocolate truffles were lovely. Overall, was a wonderful meal! Apart from the steak, I have no complaints about it.

Naturally, we did several shots. It IS called Garlic & Shots, after all. We tried to stick to six shots each (sensible by our standards) but couldn't resist ordering another four and then got an eleventh shot free.

Afterwards, we headed off to Ed's Diner for dark rum & chocolate alcoshakes and ended our night there.

Best Halloween ever? Without a doubt.

I hope you've all had a good week and Halloween!

Up and down.

Source: Unknown. If this image is yours, please contact me so I can credit/remove it.

This week has been rather up and down for me. Some parts of it have been brilliant but others? Not so much. It started off horribly, got better then went down and stopped in the middle. I waited to see if it changed either way but... nothing. It's stayed there ever since. I wish I could give a better description.

I have a busy week coming up so I'm looking forward to seeing how it pans out. I'm just hoping the upcoming storm doesn't affect my plans for tomorrow.

While we're on the subject on the storm, if you live in the UK, please stay safe.

Ill.

I'm sick at the moment and didn't get out of bed until 5pm so this is what my evening is mainly consisting of. I have a feeling tomorrow will be the same. I'd send my dad out to get me some Beechams Hot Berry Fruits sachets and/or Night Nurse capsules (the liquid tastes disgusting) but he's sick as well so he can't.

I'm hoping this cold goes away by Monday as I have a busy week ahead of me. I hope you're all having a good weekend!

Update about my grandad.

He went to the hospital this afternoon and we now know what's wrong. I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that he has terminal prostate cancer and hip cancer. The good news, however, is he's already started treatment and has been given two - ten years to live which at the age of 82, means he'll have an almost normal - normal lifespan.

The good news outweighs the bad by far. I can't put how happy I am into words. Obviously not about the cancer obviously but about the fact he's already started treatment. He was terrified about the prospect of not being able to get it it because of his age and is delighted he is. Him, my mum, dad, grandma and I were expecting the results to be bleak so we're all overcome with joy.

I'm actually crying with joy. I feel so much lighter.

Week in photographs.

It's been an extremely difficult week for me, especially of my grandad being sick. He's made progress but I don't want to get my hopes up.

Still, time for a week in photographs post!

I had been debating on getting a ticket to see Paradise Lost (+ Lacuna Coil and Katatonia) since going on sale in May but I ended up caving last month and bought one. I know several people who are going so it should be a good night and I'm especially looking forward to seeing Lacuna Coil again.

I started reading Neverwhere on Monday after spending a while meaning to do so. I've only read two chapters due to poor concentration but so far, I love it.

When I was in Sainsbury's last week, I saw the Christmas penguin pyjamas. I'm not usually a fan of Christmas clothing but I had to have them mainly because of the penguins. I adore penguins. My mum went there Tuesday and bought them for me! I love how comfortable they are which is an absolute must for me as I live in pyjamas when I'm at home.

My mum and dad had to return some books to the library yesterday. Our library frequently puts up items for sale at a significantly reduced price from the RRP and every so often, you'll find something you want. They brought me back the Where's Hello Kitty? book along with three relaxation CDs.

I need to go back to the library soon. I haven't been in a while.

Now to start watching series two of Borgen. I think the rest of my weekend will be spent reading and watching television shows. I hope you've all had a good week and having a good weekend!

Update about my grandad.

The results came in this morning.

The doctors still don't know what's wrong with him, though, so they'll be running more tests along with a biopsy next week but whatever it is, it's serious.

He's eating again but either way, it's not looking good for him.

I'm going through enough as it is. I can feel my heart breaking.

I actually feel sick.

In which I talk about my love of books.

When I was three years old, my mum and dad were told by the doctors I'd never be able to talk, write or read which left them heartbroken because they desperately wanted to share their love of reading with me. Obviously, I can now do all of those things.

I can't remember what age I began reading but I still own the majority of my favourite childhood books and have no plans to get rid of them.

I was at boarding school from January 2005 until July 2009 and it was horrible. I was bullied and none of the staff members there did anything about it and we weren't allowed music devices (they relented with me and let me have my mp3 player in 2008 when I became persistent but that's another story altogether) so I spent a lot of money on books. I devoured them. They allowed me to escape reality and get lost in another world.

Things went from bad to worse during my last year there. It was around that time I heard of My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult and mentioned it to my mum briefly. The next time I was at home, she said she had bought something for me and it turned out to be that book. I finished it within two days and she bought me The Pact which I also finished quickly.

I was strongly against Kindles and eBook devices for years in preference to physical books. My mum and dad have them, though, and I eventually came round to the idea of owning one. I mentioned it in passing one day and never brought it up again.

For my birthday this year, there was an oddly-shaped looking present my mum and dad told me to unwrap last. I did and when I finally unwrapped it, I saw that I had a Kindle. For several minutes, all I could do was stare at it in shock and awe. I was speechless. I fell in love with it before I even started using it.

I still adore physical books and continue to purchase them. I always will but I love how light my Kindle is and that it doesn't take up much space in my bag. What I also love is how it stores so many books it feels like I'm carrying a small bit of my own personal library with me.

I don't have a favourite genre. I like what I like. There are genres I'm not into of course but I don't stick to only one. To give you an idea, though, I'll list some of my favourite books.

In no order:

The Noughts & Crosses trilogy by Malorie Blackman
Blood And Gold by Anne Rice
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
The Pact by Jodi Picoult
A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

If you're interested in seeing more of what I read and loved, didn't like and plan to read, my Goodreads profile is at the bottom.

Profile.

Something I haven't wanted to talk about.

My grandad is sick. He was taken to hospital last week for tests and the results are due to come in tomorrow morning so we should hopefully know what's wrong. According to my dad, he's lost a lot of weight due to being too sick to eat anything. He was already thin so I dread to think how thin he is now.

Scared doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. Drinking myself to sleep is sorely tempting.

Week and weekend in photographs.

The reason I haven't done a week in photographs post for the last two weeks is because there wasn't much happening for one to be worth doing. Not enough happened this week to justify a week in photographs post and I had a brilliant day yesterday so I thought I may as well combine the two and post about it!

On Monday, my mum and I saw Danny Elfman's music from the films of Tim Burton performed at the Royal Albert Hall. Before the event, we had dinner at Prezzo. I chose to have a margarita pizza with seasoned chicken and pacetta bacon which was lovely. The chicken pieces are huge, though! I only ate just over half of it as I wanted to have the honeycomb smash cheesecake.

They usually have offers on their website so you can get some money off your meal. Make sure you check which restaurants aren't participating, though.

Afterwards, we made our way to the Royal Albert Hall, bought a programme each and found our seats. I'm so glad I asked for a corner seat. I get claustrophobic otherwise. Having to get up to let people through can get annoying but I can deal with that.

The show was incredible. I'm still working on my post about it so I won't say much right now. My highlight, however, was Helena Bonham Carter making a surprise appearance to sing Sally's Song. You can watch the video for it at this link if you're interested.

I was hesitant to pay so much money for one ticket but I'm so glad I did. It was worth every single penny.

On Tuesday, I went to the Apple Store in Regent Street to witness Ed Speelers and Joanne Froggatt be interviewed about the current series of Downton Abbey. I've already written about it so if you haven't read about it already, you can do so here.

I saw Bitter Ruin at a house gig someone pledged for during their Kickstarter campaign and they were brilliant as always. They held a little Q & A session during their performance which made the whole experience even more special.

I can't not talk about the hosts who were nothing but wonderful. I couldn't praise them more. The food was absolutely wonderful, too. If I could've eaten all the barbecue chicken, I would've.

Everyone there was lovely. I got to catch up with a few people I hadn't seen for a while and met some people I hadn't met before.

I hope you've all had a good week!

Bonus pictures:

Out of all the pictures I have with Bitter Ruin, these are my favourite ones by far.

Nightwish have a new singer!

Nightwish announced this morning that Floor Jansen (ReVamp, After Forever) has joined the band permanently which won't come as a surprise to many fans. Her joining was a given really.

I saw them live with her twice last year and thought she was brilliant. It took time to adjust to her after Anette Olzon left last year and I still prefer Anette but I can't wait to hear the new album with her!

Not only that, Troy Donockley is no longer a guest member. He's joined the band officially. As much as I love Floor, I'm overjoyed about him being a permanent member. I thought he was a perfect addition as soon as I listened to Dark Passion play and desperately wanted him to become a permanent member and now he has.

I was lucky enough to meet Floor and Troy after Nightwish's show at Brixton Academy, London on 5th November last year. The venue security attempted to stop a few of us from going up to him as he was by the tour bus but we managed to get past them and he was more than happy to chat, pose for photos and sign stuff. He was extremely flattered when I asked him if he could sign my Imaginaerum album booklet and told him he should join the band permanently.

Afterwards, I met Floor and as expected, she was swarmed. Despite that, though, she posed for photos and signed items and wouldn't leave until she knew everyone was happy. Her joy at being chosen to fill in for the rest of the Imaginaerum World Tour was obvious.

I'm so happy for Floor and Troy. They deserve this.

Showtime, Storytime is released on 29th November 2013. Pre-order your copy at this link if you haven't done so already. I can't wait to get mine!

I'm also working on a blog post about Nightwish so keep an eye out for it.

Inspirational People #4.

Cristina Scabbia

Source: Cristina's instagram account.

I discovered her when I came across Lacuna Coil on a forum back in 2004. I was immediately in awe of her voice and rushed to check out the rest of Lacuna Coil's material. I bought Comalies not long after and in a short space of time, I had all of the albums that were released at the time. They quickly made their way into my top five bands.

I saw them live for the first time on 30th July 2009 at The Forum after begging my dad to buy me tickets for it the week before and he did as a "Congratulations for leaving school" present. They were fantastic. I was also at the front row for the first time ever.

I saw them again on 5th February 2010 and was lucky enough to meet them afterwards. I was so shy and nervous that asking if I could get a picture was a miracle.

Anyway...

A few reasons I love her apart from her voice:

1) She cares about her fans. A lot, in fact. She goes out of her way to make sure that they know she cares. She keeps in touch by updating her Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts on a regular basis and sometimes replies if she has the time to do so. She doesn't have to but she does because she genuinely loves her fans.

2) She's positive and gives her fans hope and courage. She regularly posts words of wisdom on her official Facebook page and they inspire me to not give up and keep pushing forward.

"Don't ever be afraid of the deepest dark because without it there would not be the brightest light." 

She constantly tells us to believe in ourselves and to never give up.

I've been fortunate enough to meet her on a number of occasions. I first met her on 5th February 2010 but like I said earlier on, I was so shy and nervous that I couldn't say much other than ask if I could have a photo with her which she was more than happy to say yes to.

I met her for the second time on 22nd November 2011 after waiting for about two hours for her with a few other fans to emerge. She was on her way to the venue for the soundcheck but stopped and spent ten minutes talking to us and posing for photos. She gave up time she technically didn't have and ended up severely annoying the band's manager.

On 28th October 2012, I met her again. After my photo with her was taken, I thanked her for making me feel beautiful that night and she said "You are." and started talking about how everyone's bodies are built differently. I nearly started crying.

Clockwise: 5th February 2010, 22nd November 2011 and 28th October 2012.

3) She's a hard worker and puts 100% into everything she does. She didn't take the easiest route she could find unlike so many aspiring musicians do these days but worked extremely hard to get to where she is now.

Bonus reason: She stands up for herself. Unfortunately, she gets a lot of trolls on her Facebook but she refuses to sit there and keep quiet.

People may say that fame has gotten to her head but I can safely say that it hasn't in the slightest. I'm so fortunate to have her to look up to and so proud to call myself a fan.

Links

Official Facebook account

Twitter account

Instagram

Interview with Ed Speelers and Joanne Froggatt at Apple Store Regent Street 8th October 2013.

Last week, the official Downton Abbey page announced that Ed Speelers (Jimmy Kent) and Joanne Froggatt (Anna Bates) would be doing an interview at the Apple Store in Regent Street. I knew it was going to be popular so I immediately reserved my place.

I arrived at 7pm and there were no seats left but I had a good spot in the standing area thanks to someone being kind enough to give me theirs so I could see well without me asking. It was being recorded for a podcast which will hopefully be on the iTunes Store later this week so be sure to keep an eye out if you're interested!

Before Joanna and Ed walked on the stage, we were shown the trailer of the current series of the show. The first thing that was spoken about of course was Anna's scenes in the last episode. Joanna said that she had researched it and was concerned about getting it right which I think she spent ten minutes talking about the preparations for it and filming it.

We were shown two clips from the next episode. I won't spoil anything but I will say that I'm looking forward to seeing how the scene with Jimmy turns out.

After a while, there were some questions from the audience. I wanted to ask one but I got so nervous I didn't. All the questions were extremely interesting with equally interesting answers.

The interview ended after 45 minutes and I headed straight home overjoyed that I was able to attend. I have a love/hate relationship with London but something I love about it is being able to attend a lot of events with ease.

Happy October!

Source: Found on Google. If this is yours, please contact me so I can credit you or remove it.

It's started well for me. I managed to achieve getting out of bed at a reasonable time (AKA not 7pm like I've done during the last week or so) and cleaned a birt. I didn't do as much as I would've liked but I got some done so that's what counts.

I watched the second episode of The Wrong Mans tonight and my mum and I couldn't stop laughing. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend you do. It's on BBC Two on Tuesday nights at 9pm so make sure you watch it then or record it as each episode is only on BBC iPlayer for a week until the newest one airs.

I made the mistake of eating white bread again last month but cut it out again under a week ago. I tried on my jeans tonight and not only do they fit again, they have space. This comes at a brilliant time as I'm going to see Danny Elfman performing the music from Tim Burton's films at the Royal Albert Hall on Monday. Now that I've almost sorted out my outfit for it, I can start getting excited about it again!

Today's definitely been a good start to the month. I don't want to speculate on the rest of it but it's started well which is what I needed after last month being horrendous. 

Be yourself.

“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.” -  Leo Buscaglia.

There isn't a lot that makes me sadder than seeing people change who they are in an attempt to fit in with the crowd and/or be accepted. While I was at school, I let myself be bullied into trying to do so after being accused of copying someone else (contradictory, I know) and ended up being miserable. To top it off, the copycat accusations got worse. I couldn't win. I was in a lose-lose situation.

In the end, I was tired of pretending to be someone I'm not and started being myself. As I expected, I received a lot of backlash like I had before but this time, I persisted. I refused to back down and go back to pretending to be someone I'm not. Eventually, he backlash stopped. It took several months, though.

I refuse to limit my interests. I'm a meatlhead but I also adore make-up, nail polish and Hello Kitty along with so much more. So what? I know exactly who I am and what I like and if that makes me a freak, so be it. I refuse to change who I am to please other people.

Be yourself and nothing less. If the people in your life deserve to be in it, they'll accept you as you are. If not, that's their problem. Not yours.

Embrace who you are. There will never be another you in the world.

Today's achievement.

I'm frightened of phone calls and avoid taking/making them where possible. Sometimes, though, I have to. If I had my own way, I never would.

The EP for Paradise (What About Us?) by Within Temptation was released on iTunes yesterday and my dad kindly bought me a giftcard so I could get it but before I could, I was asked the answers to my security questions. Sadly, I couldn't remember the answers so I looked up what to do.

It turned out I had to phone Apple Support in order to reset my security questions. It made me feel physically sick. I wanted to start crying.

This afternoon, I took the plunge and went to the support section of their website. I hovered the Talk To Apple Support Now button and pressed it. I got a call immediately.

The advisor I got was brilliant. I managed to reset my security questions and bought Paradise (What About Us?) EP immediately along with some songs by other bands.

I ended up looking on Argos and found the 3D Hello Kitty mug I had wanted for a while at a reduced price so I decided to get it as a little reward to myself.

In case anyone's interested, the app I used is called Afterlight.

I'm so proud of myself right now. I'll leave you with the video for Paradise (What About Us?). The EP contains three demos from the band's upcoming album. Listen to it in full on Spotify and if you like what you hear, buy it. As far as I'm aware, it's only available on iTunes so if you don't already have an account there, you'll have to create one.

Today's therapy session.

I only managed to sleep for three hours last night. Still, I managed to get myself out of bed and ready for therapy this afternoon.

Today, my therapist and I spoke about another traumatic event in my life which is a huge contributing factor to my PTSD and she told me that even though she was trained not to share her opinions because it's not part of her job, what happened wasn't my fault. I showed her a few of my blog posts from last week, discussed my safety plan that's in place whenever I feel like taking my own life and my commitment to recovery. She told me she's proud of me for continuing to go to therapy despite the thought of leaving the house making me feel sick.

She brought up the possibility of me trying EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) last week and after researching it, I came to the conclusion that it sounds like it'll be beneficial for me. I told her this afternoon and she said she'll talk to the woman who deals with all of the therapy about it again and get back to me during the next session.

Just before I left, she gave me a letter about our work together so far which acknowledged my progress and hard work. I really don't think I've progressed but it's nice to be told that I have anyway.

Worsening.

I'm getting worse.

I'm seeing my therapist today but she's on holiday next week for three weeks so it means I don't have to leave the house. I'm still refusing to see my friends.

I feel half dead and half suffocating. Living isn't at all appealing right now.

Week in photographs.

I started The Perks of Being a Wallflower on Monday morning but couldn't get into it at all. I found it far too dull and pretentious. I gave up halfway through which I rarely do.

Series one of Game of Thrones started repeating on Sky Atlantic a few weekends ago and I've been recording it as I don't own it yet. It's my second rewatch and I love it even more than I did before. I think it's partly because of all the details I didn't see before and partly because I don't have to work out who everyone is.

I started reading Looking for Alaska on Wednesday evening and finished it on Thursday morning. It's so gripping and relatable. I didn't go to sleep until 9:30am yesterday because I couldn't bring myself to put it down. I HIGHLY recommend it. One quote in particular got to me.

"'Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die."- Alaska Young.

My iPhone 4 automatically installed iOS 7 yesterday and so far, I can't say I have any complaints. I was extremely worried about it slowing my phone down and it hasn't. Nyan Cat: Lost in Space does lag slightly at first but it sorts itself out fairly quickly. As for battery life, I can't comment yet but it seems to be okay. I do miss iOS 6, though.

I hope everyone had a good week!

On lonliness and disconnection.

I feel so disconnected from the world. I live inside my own little world most of the time. I watch others have lives and I'm here trapped. I manage to get out of the house but the feeling never goes away. No matter where I go, it always feel as though I'm a mere bystander looking through a window.

I loved being at college because it meant I could forget everything, immerse myself in studying and actually be in the world for once but I had to leave early last year and haven't studied since.

In a way, it was a good thing because it meant I had no choice but to tackle my issues head-on as I was running away from them but I hate it. I have too much time to think even with a schedule in place.

I'm what you could call popular but recently, I've been turning down a lot of invitations from friends to go out with them. I have one that I usually have crazy nights out with and not too long ago, I'd always say yes without a second thought but I've been rejecting all of his invitations in the last month or so because I simply don't want to go anywhere. On average, I see one or two friends a week but sometimes, I can't even handle seeing one.

I stayed with one of my (now-ex) best friends overnight last week and I couldn't sleep because she had an argument with her mother about her boyfriend earlier that night but that doesn't bear any relevance to this post. I may post about it in more detail another time. I may not. I don't know.

Anyway, I couldn't handle it anymore and called my mum at 6am in the morning in tears begging to come home. That's when I realised just how bad it's become.

It doesn't matter if I'm spending time with someone or not. I'm always lonely. It's such a contradiction. I'm frightened of being alone yet spending time with someone doesn't do much. It mostly just feels like I'm in a room with somebody. That's it. Nothing more.

I'm so unhappy. I want nothing more than to be able to do something about it but beyond what I'm already doing, there's nothing I can do. It's all slipping through my fingers like sand.

I fought to get this far but for what? Right now, it feels like absolutely nothing.

I'm losing the will to live.

As always, feel free to leave a comment if you want to but if you're disrespectful, I will delete your comment.

Inspirational People #3.

Tatiana Maslany

Source: tatiana-maslany.net

I did an Inspirational People post less than a week ago but I'm doing another one now. You'll see why in a minute.

I was going to start writing about Tatiana next month but seeing as Orphan Black is finally airing here on BBC Three on Friday, I've decided to do it this week instead because what better time is there? Not that it's ever a bad time to talk about her of course.

I first discovered her on Tumblr earlier this year when Orphan Black started on BBC America in March. Every single time I was on my dashboard, something from Orphan Black would pop up. One of my best friends is also a fan and was pushing me to watch it so after a while, I gave in and watched it. I loved it so much that it made it into my top five shows before the first episode was over. I became hooked and ended up finishing the entire show in one go because I simply couldn't bring myself to stop watching it.

Anyway. Getting on with it.

1) I simply cannot make a post about her without talking about how talented she is. Come on! She plays several different clones!

I adore how dedicated she is to each clone. Not only does she have playlists and dances for each one, she's created different signatures for each of them. Her dedication is outstanding. How she didn't get nominated for an Emmy, I'll never know.

2) She's upbeat. Watch any interview with her and/ or go over to her Twitter account and you'll see what I'm talking about.

3) She's great with her fans. I've read several different fan encounters with her and all of them have been extremely positive. Not only that, I've seen her reply to fans on Twitter and give them motivation when they tell her they've got something coming up.

If you're in the UK and haven't yet watched Orphan Black, I highly recommended doing so. It's going to air on BBC Three on Friday evenings at 9pm with a doube-bill but if you can't wait, the first episode is already on BBC iPlayer.

Now to decide which cake to buy for when it starts...

Links

Her Twitter account
Her Instagram